Randy Knoewman Writes

In my book, Who Do You Help?, one of the main characters, Linda, is bullied growing up by kids doing a mock Asian voice, stretching their eyes, making jokes about rice, and an elaborate prank involving a locker.

I think many people reading the book, especially when you throw in the backlash Linda experiences as an adult, may think Miltonsville is some exceptionally racist town.

A true but not true conclusion.

The racism is there, but the exceptionalism is not. In many ways, such racism echoes what I saw as a kid.

At this point, it’s important to note, I am a white guy, and, at the time, was a white boy, so I was not the one experiencing the racism; rather, I was an observer, and I can only tell you about what racism I saw.

And there was plenty to see.

I was raised in a mostly white, middle to upper class suburban town in Western New York. This wasn’t some small, rural Southern town many people think of when they think of racism. This was in New York. Granted, Western New York, I’d argue, has more similarities with Pennsylvania or Ohio than New York City, but, still, this wasn’t Mississippi.

Yet, even as a kid, I was shocked by how allowed racism was towards the Asian kids in class (Disclaimer: when I say Asian, I am speaking about East Asian kids because I remember that more, probably because there were more of them in class, but I’m sure others got bullied as well).

Everything I described above, about using a mock Asian voice, stretching their eyes, jokes about rice, etc., I saw kids do and do directly to an Asian kid’s face with the teacher right nearby where there was no way the teacher couldn’t notice.

That was the odd part about it. The accepted nature of it by the teachers.

Kids are going to be kids, and, as the comedian John Mulaney says, there is nobody meaner than a pack of 13-year-olds. I remember kids saying terrible things all the time, including plenty of racist (trust me, plenty of white boys get a high out of saying the N-word when Black people aren’t around) and anti-Semitic things, but usually the teachers either wouldn’t be that close to them to hear it or were far enough away they could pretend not to hear it. The Asian racism and bullying weren’t so.

My belief is the teachers, like society, had bought into the Model Minority myth. That the Asian kids were doing fine, so who cares about some racism? Same reason it’s okay to poke fun at the rich.

I’m not going to claim any sociological expertise, but I can say if this was happening in my school, I’m quite confident it was happening elsewhere. We weren’t a special group of people where the treatment of Asian people would be dramatically different from other parts of the country.

Nor was my experience in school a long time ago. I went to school in the early 2000s to mid 2010s. When I graduated from high school, I would’ve assumed younger kids would continue to be kinder to minority groups than we were (for example, I don’t think as many kids are using “gay” as a slur as they did in my youth. At least I hope so) and there would be less Asian racism than before, but with the rise of Trump and the Covid pandemic, I’m not so sure. I’ve had to learn, like many of us, that social progress is not guaranteed, or there are advances in some aspects, and not in others.

Part of me wonders if fewer kids are doing a mocking Asian voice or jokes about rice, and today’s kids are doing more anti immigrant, China, or Covid bullying. Back in 2017, Trump spoke often of anti China and immigrant rhetoric, which is why I had the bullies, W&W, try to reflect this in their bullying of Ricky versus how Linda was bullied. Of course, the bullies were 7-year-olds, so they couldn’t be too sophisticated and were only repeating what they heard at home.

I think one of the other reasons I explored this topic in my book was because of the regret I still carry with me about not saying anything. I believe, although I’m quite confident I wasn’t perfect, I wasn’t one of the big racist bullies, but I also said nothing in rebuttal. And many of the people being bullied were my friends.

In fairness to myself, I was a kid, and we should not be too judgemental of what we did as kids, and thankfully much of what I did and said is not online or saved somewhere. And it wasn’t just bullying against Asian kids I witnessed and was a bystander to. There were plenty of other instances where I said nothing and wished I did, but rather than stew in guilt the rest of my life, it’s more important to stand up now and say something when the occasion occurs—easier said than done.

Even the kids, like W&W or Peter in my book and other kids I grew up with, I cannot be too harsh on. They were kids, after all, and were being dumb and stupid and were reflecting the culture around them.

A racist kid is not an inherently bad kid. They weren’t born racist, but you can be raised racist by family, culture, media, and your surroundings. When kids become adults and become more mature, I think it’s fairer to be harsher. I’m confident many of the people from my school would be appalled if they were shown tape of what they said as kids, although I’m sure there are a few who wouldn’t.

Now, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t factor in someone’s childhood environment into your understanding of their behavior as an adult.

Look at Linda’s bully from school, Peter.

He evolved to be so much better than what his father taught him, but he couldn’t shake off all the baggage left with him. The improvements he made while simultaneously causing Linda harm is what makes him interesting to me, and I feel like much of my judgement of him will be whether he continues to learn from his experiences with Linda.

None of this is to say people aren’t responsible for their actions, but the overwhelming mundanity of Asian-American bullying I witnessed as a kid suggests to me not bad apples, but a snapshot of what America was like.

This is why if you read my book, Who Do You Help?, I don’t want you to come away thinking Miltonsville was some crazy outlier, but think back to your own childhood or to movies you saw or the recent pandemic, and wonder if Miltonsville was really all that different after all.

And if you are Asian-American and grew up in a predominantly white town, you probably don’t need to think about it, and I’m sorry I stood and watched as it happened.